Deep Breath

March 10, 2016  •  6 Comments

     I start this blog post with a leery mind, since I got zero, ZERO comments on my first one...  Which may be for the best meaning that no one has seen me flop.  On that note, I am not giving up so easily.

     Today is my day "off," meaning that I am not in the studio or out doing pictures.  Generally, theses are my busiest days; if I am not out running errands I am undoubtedly starting 11 new projects with 11% probability of actually finishing any of them.  Today is not much different- so here I am giving you a little insight into the life and mind of Molly Johnson.   (this will most likely be written in one long, unorganized run-on sentence, since that is how my mind works.)

      I set my alarm for 5:27am to get up, workout, sit alone to have a cup of coffee and plan my day.  Yeah, I laugh at that thought too.  In actuality the alarm goes off and I stay in bed (failure #1). Rick wakes me up right before he leaves for work, I come downstairs to two quiet kids just watching a little TV. They haven't spotted Mommy yet, so maybe just maybe I can sneak in the bathroom and pee in peace- fat chance.  The bathroom door makes the tiniest squeak which sets off the "Mommy, mommy, mommy" alarm...  Deep breath,  "I can do this"    I get Raegan her milk, coffee for myself and settle in on the couch- seconds later the kids are battling over who gets to sit by Mommy (sweet I know)- causing me to spill my beloved cup of joe...just awesome.   I go to get a rag to clean up and come back to the two of them snuggling together, Charlie says "I know what you are going to say- This melts your heart."    In a nutshell, my morning is a conglomeration of running back and forth getting the kids ready for the day, cleaning, seeing something on pinterest and all of a sudden feeling the need to try it (today-how to clean a glass top stove (failure #2) listen to every single thought in Charlie's mind, Raegan tooting on me and thinking she is just hilarious... glamorous I know. 

     As we wait for Charlie's bus to come I lug our coffee table outside because naturally now is a good time to refinish it.  Ok, Charlie gets on the bus, deep breath.  I go downstairs to get the sander and oh there's the chair I just painted- why not sand that down a bit. Then I sand the table for two minutes then think "hey, Raegan is in a good mood now so let's run to the studio, get all my stuff ready for my photoshoot/wedding this weekend and then take some 2 year and Mommy/daughter pictures,"  and we do just that.  Once we are there, of course we need a treat from Sally's Sweet Shoppe (failure #3) and like a fool I tell them how good Raegan does with pictures now.

     We pack up and head to a field for pictures.  I get set up and Raegan stands there like a little angel- I snap a picture, perfect.  She walks a bit- ok that's fine...  then the end of the world comes.  Heaven forbid I make her sit on the chair we just sanded or stand next to Mommy,  well below I show you the pathetic attempt, out of focus and all.    Maybe we will try another time.

Instead of boring you with all the details of my day, here is the list I set in my mind for the day:

  • Clean Clean Clean
  • Prep for pictures
  • Plan dinner- ugh
  • Have 'school" with Raegan
  • Workout (ha)
  • Plant seeds for garden
  • Make lunch-ugh
  • Sand table
  • Stain table
  • Emails/phone calls
  • Make dentist appointment
  • Quit the photography business
  • Get everything ready for tomorrow
  • Rake yard
  • Find a new career
  • Sew
  • Get fire ready in the furnace
  • Figure out marketing for photo business
  • Throw cookies away that you just bought
  • Read
  • Plan a vacation
  • Order birthday presents for people that don't have birthdays anytime soon 
  • Look at houses that we can't afford
  • Create a schedule
  • Research how to volunteer abroad with kids
  • Meal plan
  • Tell yourself you aren't good enough 20 times
  • Drink more water
  • Screw that of course you are good enough
  • Eat all the cookies
  • Fail- then get back up and try again
  • Organize all the cabinets and dressers
  • Change lint trap on washer
  • Set up computer
  • Make videos
  • Go to post office
  • Edit family pictures
  • Listen to motivational speeches
  • Write a blog post
  • Plan fun projects for the kids
  • Check bank accounts
  • Blah blah blah blah blah the list goes on


     Yeah I know my mind is completely crazy, a constant whirlwind of thought.  I also get that this is written so poorly, but now you have a little more insight into me. Everyday I do struggle with just being good enough, but good enough for who? I think my answer is good enough for me...maybe this is what drives me to keep trying, but mostly it just drives me crazy.   So next step is to get in my brain that God is in control and knows what is best. 


"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

~Jeremiah 29:11













I smiled as I read this entire post. You are not alone! My mind works the same way. I love the pictures of you & your beautiful daughter. Remember you are fabulous!!!!
Your mind is completely normal. Mine does the same thing except usually it's at about 10pm when I'm laying in bed... :) YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH! YOU ARE FANTASTIC! :)
It is the brain of a wife, mommy, daughter, friend, artist(cuz you are!)and business woman. Whoa, I got exhausted just TYPING that.Keep doing what you're doing and all will be fine.
The photos of you and Raegan are adorbs! My mind has a bazillion thoughts a day, too! I like to think its much better than people who just have like one or two thoughts. :)
I love this. This is my mind on the daily. There is a special place for us in heaven.
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